Vampire Porn, a Guilty Pleasure - Spoilers

Vampire porn really should be it's own sub-genre, there's vampire teen porn such as Twilight (Check the link bellow for an amazing blog that trashes it completely) or more respected works such as Vampire Academy which I haven't read. Then there is adult vampire porn, things such as True Blood or my personal favorite and the topic of this blog Anita Blake Vampire Hunter. 

Laurel K. Hamilton is a slight wonder as a writer, she has a technical skill level that is acceptable to good but amazingly manages to hit every cliche and stereotype you would expect this genre to have in dialogue, character and story. Reading the first in the series Guilty Pleasures was three of the funnest hours of my life. I had to stop at one point because I couldn't control my laughter.

Set in a similar world to that of True Blood, vampires have made their presence know in society and have even be recognised as citizens. Our hero, Anita Blake is a detective and also a necromancer, not a nymphomaniac... although from what I've heard of later books in the series she could be that as well. She is hired to investigate a murder of a vampire, but not without the proper motivation. As the vampires hypnotize a friend of hers, apparently vampires have the super abilities to completely control humans just by looking at them. I'll deal with the problems of this later, but Anita is somewhat immune due to her abilities as a necromancer. This is however the first in the large number of incredibly terrible things the supposed love interest does. Now. Ignoring the common trait of vampires getting a free-ride on anything terrible they do because they.... I don't know, usually talk with sexy accents. I don't know how anyone is meant to take Jean Claude Seriously. He is a french vampire who runs a special vampire strip club from which the book gets it's title, he wears... for the entire time, an open frilly poet shirt, with leather pants and thigh high leather boots over the leather pants. Just to give you the best idea I have included a picture from the graphic novel version.

We are meant to take this man seriously.

And I'm pretty sure most of his muscles don't really exist in anatomy... vampire or otherwise.

Anita is taken to meet the grand high eldest vampire of the city... and it is a little girl DUN DUN DUHHH. This book really is just a check list of vampire cliches. Lets see what have we had so far...

Human protagonist with vampire 'love' interest...                                    
Check
Main vampire having some form of accent... that is sexy...                    
Check
Blatant corruption of innocence...                                                            
Check


Anyway, after a brush with the vampire master one of the key plot points of the series gets dropped, and that is that Jean Claude has made the first step to turning Anita into a human servant. Now I'm going to repeat that, a human servant. Something that happens completely against her will. Yeah... this love story is really going to annoy me by the end of it. Anita continues to stumble along in her quest to solve the mystery of the vampire serial killer, involving a few other human characters and some other vampire characters. I have to ask, are there any non good looking guys in this world. I mean, I'm not really complaining, wohoo hot guys! But do they all have to have the most basic archetypal stereotypes of what woman are supposed to go for? There's the bad guy who I am going to call the Heathcliff, this would be the Jean Claude and the one we are meant to go for, please note that when I say attractive I mean the book keeps telling us he's attractive. There's the sweetie, the one who may be a little off in their arrogance  but that's just cause they need someone to understand , the one who probably just needs a hug, let us call him... the Ryan Reynolds. And for this we have Philip, someone whose tortured past has led him to become an arrogant stripper and former vampire junkie. He also dies. Sorry if that was your type ladies, but he's the first in a long line so don't you worry. And then the bad ass, the one who has come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum... and he's all out of gum. Although a little different, no doubt due to the fact that he is American instead of British I am going to call him the Bond, James Bond. And so we meet Edward... sighhhhhh. Edward is introduced and gives Anita a shotgun as a present and kills more vampires then the supposed protagonist... and my god he is so fucking bad ass! I mean he's just the coolest fucking thing in this entire series!!! He's... *cough*

Soooo... ummm... back to the plot...

Essentially Anita discovers who is killing vampires, takes on and kills the head vampire, the 10 year old Nikolaos... whose name I have no idea how to pronounce and also kills the vampire Valentine. Valentine was what could have been an interesting plot device for future, Valentine attacked Anita and gave her a massive scar, and she scarred his face with holy water. Despite no doubt fighting stronger vampires this one had a place in the back of her mind because he was attacked her when she was still new and young and vulnerable. I really think killing him was a missed opportunity, it wasn't even some grand final fight, she injected him with liquid silver whilst he slept... what heart pounding action!

The main plot points to take away from this though is that Anita has received 2 or the 4 marks that will make her Jean Claude's, who has become master of the vampires in the city, human servant. She even has an opportunity to kill him but decides not to because, and I quote 'I may regret it later'. Gahhhh. Oh Anita, I'm sure you wouldn't have... its not like you don't know some attractive strong but not completely psycho guys... like Edward...

Link to Twilight bashing http://the-snarktress.blogspot.com/

Lesbian Vampire Killers

I've been doing so many comics of late that I really felt I need a change, this is a movie that really slipped under the radar for a lot of people and I really don't think it should have. And while I would not put it on the level of comedy parodies such as Hot Fuzz it really was genuinely funny and really enjoyable. Lesbian Vampire Killers. And in answer to your first question this is about killers of lesbian vampire rather than lesbian killers of vampires.

When the second Twilight movie came out my friends and I enjoyed a movie marathon night called 'Real Vampires don't sparkle', in this aside from some of the classics we looked for new vampire movies and couldn't go past the title. This is a really upbeat movie that I'm not going to lie has a large amount of it's humour based in dick jokes. Normally this is the kind of humour that I really don't like and yet I've seen this so many times and still are not sick of it.

Focusing on our two main hero's, Fletch and Jimmy; played by James Corden and Mathew Horne, who have come to Cragwich on holiday hiking as Fletch has lost his job and Jimmy just got dumped, and neither have the money to do anything fun... I know the feeling. Little did they know that the town of Cragwich has an ancient curse over it, a curse that brings the infestation of really really hot chicks. And as night falls they, and some other hot chicks... from Sweden, have to fight for their lives against the Army of Darkness.... Groovy.

It's in the writing that the talent of this comedy duo really comes through, whilst I can't really call it 'witty' as the humour is all based solely around the idea of dicks and lesbians, two concepts that are somewhat dancing opposites there is something delightfully British about them. I know this may sound strange that I like the comedy simply because it's British, as though they have a free pass on making low brow dick jokes because of their high class accents but quiet frankly anyone who enjoyed watching the Python boys dressed as girls will probably enjoy at least some of the humour of Lesbian Vampire Killers. And if you haven't then what is wrong with you?

My copy autographed by Paul Mcgann, playing the Vicor.

4/5

Tarot - issues 16-20

BOOK 16

Halloween time is here. What kinda of dastardly evil shall the horror month cook up. Gingerbread men and a cookie woman. Please forgive my bad pun.

It pretty much is self explanatory. Tarot and Raven battle a cookie woman who believes the best way to love things is too eat them. Which she learnt because the witch who created her basically abused her and confused her... he got his come up ens when she shows her 'love' of him whilst fingering herself. The cookies are defeated with the help of a Harry Potter rip off and John takes the ghost of the Siamese twins eight year old trick-a-treating.

High points: I really do sit and just wait for something to come to me for these high points. Umm the sheer irony of Tarot trying to explain sexual exploitation to a cookie whilst she is naked and having the exact same cookie like frosting off her. 

Low points: The teeth of the ginger bread men look really painful, maybe this should be in my high points cause its one of the things he actually did well, but I've seen vampire bites that look like less then pain.

Fav Quote: You guys are Na-ked! (the worlds most honest line in this series)

BOOK 17

Wow, just wow. What the fuck, really? What was the point of this episode? The only way I can explain it is Tarot, Raven and John have some kinky foreplay with a faerie. God I wish I didn't have to do this.

High points: Nothing, other then the mere existence of more flying cats there is nothing I like about this episode.

Low points: Where to start. Raven getting felt up by a snow man, a continued spank off, John accidentally having sex with Raven, yes I mean accidentally. He's unconscious and tied to her and he somehow becomes hard, naked in the snow, whilst unconscious. Seriously this boy has a blood flow problem that needs to be examined by science. 

Fav: Quote: ... I have none, there really wasn't much to laugh at here

BOOK 18

Luke, I am your Filler!

This episode is pointless, it consists of the faeries stealing dairies of Tarot, Raven, and Boo telling three pointless stories. Tarot doing battle with another devil, for a story which claims that the devil is a construct of Christianity and doesn't really exist he sure shows up a lot. Raven's battle with being teased about her large breasts and coming to accept what she looks like. Then we have Boo talking about meeting Tarot for the first time and being the little sexual vixen that Boo is.

High points: ... I got nothing.

Low points: This is a pointless issue, I'm actually looking forward to getting back to the story. It again tries to be empowering and teach women and people in general not to judge on looks and not to label or confine sexuality. But in the most stupid way possible, the faeries talking literally feels like a sailor says message or the end of a G-I-Joe episode or even dare I say Captain Planet.

BOOK 19

Well we are back to the story arcs. This issue introduces a new villain the sexually ambiguous  Azure. I lie he is a man, elf, vampire, thing. The point is he is masculine. In the same way that Frankenfuther in Rocky Horror Picture Show is masculine. I have finally found the real reason  why there are so few men in this comic, he can't draw them.

Basically, Tarot has a vision of war, Raven has some god dam gay elf walk in while she is bathing offer her the world and flirt with her. Tarot and mum break up the eventual snu snu and then Azure raises an army and suddenly Raven is standing beside him taking a second shot at the world. Also it should be noted John and Boo are taken hostage by these vampire chicks.

High points: Raven totally getting over the fact that Azure broke into her house and possessed stones to hold her down and 'relax' her because he turned a brush into flowers and kisses her. Wow Raven. Just wow.

Low Points: More Boo stripping, for no real reason

BOOK 20

More sexual exploitation of men, John, for no real reason is held hostage by the Medusa's tribe. Who plan to mate with him, turn him to stone, and then mate with him. It should be noted one looks shockingly like Angelina Jolie, I always knew she was a Medusa. They bite him and drug him... again. We find out that Raven and Azure have been having a relationship, and doing all kinds of romantic things like braiding each others hair (no really).  Pointless scene of Boo in a cage and then they find out Azure was an elf who went insane and waged war on man kind. So it looks like his and Raven's relationship is built on some serious mutual interests. The issue ends with Raven, Tarot and Mummy about to do battle with the two vampire elf sex slaves of Azure and their zombie warthogs.

High points: Watching Azure  braid Ravens hair to show how emotionally close, they really do look like teenage girls from the baby sitters club.

Low Points: Boo in a fucking cage and being forced to crawl. It serves no point but to have drooling boys see a combination of fetishes too numerous to count.

Empowered

Considering the amount of time I've devoted to the titans of the comic industry Marvel and D.C. Although it's not as though I've made some painfully obvious favouritism towards one of the two, *cough* *cough* *DC* *cough*. But I thought I should give some attention to comics from the little, rather strange, brother of the comic heavy hitters Dark Horse. Known for comics such as Buffy, Star Wars and Angel. This is also on the heels of some of my feminist rants for Tarot Witch of the Black Rose, I can talk about a comic that uses female sexuality well. Empowered. It has the main female lead being tied and gaged as Tarot but does it in a way that doesn't make me want to hunt down the author and drop him in a room of blood thirsty feminists dressed in a shirt that reads 'If your here, whose cooking me dinner?' The reason for this is that the author Adam Warren has a distinctly tongue in cheek style of writing that only leaves me to wonder how many jokes he would have made about the phrase 'tounge in cheek'. The fact that the main character is continuously tied and gaged is a joke amongst her other superheros.

Elissa is the main character, and inspired by the death of her dad when she was a child she has become a super hero, through means unknown she has ascertained a super suit that allows her super strength as well as a few other powers. The skin tight suit however looses power if it is damaged in any way and while it can stand up to showers of bullets but can rip easily and often does. As such she is often rendered powerless and captured by, well, everybody. Unlike Tarot, please forgive me but this comparison will pop up a lot, she is not a self confident  character, she is plagued by body images and insecurities. Elissa, nicknamed Empowered, or Emp for short, does not want to be wearing only the skin tight suit but cannot wear anything under or over it as that then negates the power of the suit or gives her visible pantie lines. Despite often being captured and humiliated, both by the villains, and her fellow superheros, including the more goth looking Sistah Spooky, we find out this is because of her own past insecurities, Emp is always willing to stand up and fight again. She is someone who has a power that is very unreliable yet will still try to be the best hero she can be. Granted there is a point where you really must ask whether she is planning on changing career paths at some point. But she has had moment where it appears as though she may grow into the roll, as well as being seen actively training and trying to improve. This is another thing that sets her apart from Tarot who despite being continuously tied, gagged and milked (no, really) she never seems to learn anything new or even feel as though she has to do better. Emp is a student of the superhero. She has room to grow and the desire to do so.

Elissa has a strong support network, although not a first, her boyfriend and friend are introduced and play off each other like a real world relationship. Ignoring the super powers and super villains. When I look at the boyfriend I again feel myself wanting to make the Tarot comparison, John, the apparent gender swap of the Tarot books is weaker than Tarot and often finds himself in perilous situations. He however is rarely rescued by Tarot. Which is one of the entire points about the gender swap, if you are having a male in the traditional damsel in distress role than he needs to be saved by the female protagonist. But John is not, he is either saved by himself or random other characters, and more often than not is saving Tarot because Jim Balent, the author, has a fascination with trying to be the knight in shinning armour to big busted witches in bikinis' who keep shouting about how they can protect themselves but never can. Thugboy, Elissa's boyfriend, is shown to be able to protect himself. And when he gives emotional support to Elissa it is believable. The relationship between the two of them seems to be the right mix of respect for her skills and a manly desire to protect her.

The drawing is very reminiscent of Manga, not a problem for me as I was reading Manga long before I started reading comics. For fans of a more Western drawing style though shouldn't just dismiss it. A common criticism of Manga is that it over simplifies facial structures and uses a more, shall we say, cartoonish. Empowered is beautifully drawn, if you are not a fan of Manga you may have some difficulty getting into the art style but I would recommend that you do at lease give it a try.

All this may make you think Empowered is without its flaws and is some kind of feminist polemic. It is not. It is still an excuse to draw women in revealing clothes or nothing at all as well as playing to the bondage crowd. It is saved by the fact that it doesn't pretend to be anything other than this, as well as a healthy mix of humor. Some of the jokes can get a little repetitive, but that may be because I attempted to read more than one volume in a single sitting. I'm still on volume 2 and if my opinion changes I shall inform you but for the moment Empowered is an enjoyable mix of adult humour, beautiful art, a real self-awareness and just a lot of fun.

7.5/10

New news about Superman in the reboot

Well with September coming closer more information about some of the changes that we can expect are coming into the light. The Source (see link bellow) has given the info that we can expect Superman to be a younger and more brooding individual. He has never been married to Lois Lane, whilst we knew their relationship had come to an end because of the reboot a lot had assumed a divorce, apparently in this reality Lois is dating a reporter at the Daily Planet who is not Clark Kent. She also has a new unknown job at the paper. I wonder if it is a more undercover reporter to fit in with the Flashpoint Lois Lane who is hiding as a member of the resistance.

Superman also is in the infancy of his powers, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound he cannot yet be air born. This is a change I like, I must admit this is one of the few steps I've seen to suggest that D.C. may actually be committed to completely rebooting the series and not just a half hearted effort that will change after a few issues. Showing Superman grow will be a nice development for the new readers D.C. is so desperate to attract. Growth is also one of the things that annoys me. Apparently Superman is an orphan twice over, first from Krypton but apparently Ma and Pa Kent also get the axe. Giving Superman a darker past like a character such as Batman may seem like a good idea in theory, but it was Superman's loving past that allowed him to associate with mankind and why he always went out of his way to save us. Having a more tragic upbringing will lead to a more, for want of a better word, emo character. I fear that this is a cheap excuse for a few stories about Superman turning evil or simply whining a lot. We do not want Superman to turn into Superboy Prime. Anyone who thinks we do should have their head examined.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 2 - no spoilers

It's strange to think that I've finally seen the last Harry Potter, and while there are fans there will be people making money off them with spin offs a re-releases. This marks the end of the real era of Harry Potter. My generation grew up reading the books and then a movie experience that was unlike any other. There has never been a movie experience quiet like this, when you think about it the money, the time, the cast, how many years of people's lives went into making this, it is one of the largest entertainment projects ever created, allowing the characters to visibly grow at the same time as the audience. In that respect it's reminiscent of an old family sitcom where the babies grow up into the socially awkward teenagers we are meant to relate to, just... with magic and death. For that reason alone Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 2 should be seen, and even if it wasn't it's still a movie worth seeing.

If you haven't read the books or seen the previous movies no. Although well made, the movie is for fans and requires a certain level of knowledge. That said fans of the movie need to see this for closure. And no matter what I say that will happen, but you should see this in theatres, the cinematography is beautiful, the battles have a real sense of grandeur to them. Granted it is not on the level of the battles in Return of the King, but you do still enjoy and get sucked into the chaos of it all.

The restraints that rested on this movie meant that it was never going to be the best thing I'd seen all year, it was based on a book that felt a little rushed by the end and was basically a 20 minute set up into 2 hours of battle. Not to mention the most maddening epilogue that has ever existed. That said it holds up well. The actors have all evolved into their parts and I think the fact that the movies had been such a part of their lives that emotions come off as rather real. Especially in the supporting cast, Nevil, Luna, McGonagall and Snape were the real high points for me. The scene where the teachers prepare for battle is one of the best in my opinion, it really brings tension and a great feeling of dread for the upcoming battle. I even think the way they handled Snape's character was more emotional and far more sympathetic than it was in the books.

That said there were a few things that I didn't like, due to time constraints they couldn't really pay enough attention to the other students, especially those who don't make it. Perhaps they were trying to make it somewhat less dark for the small children but I would have liked the people who didn't make it to have more of an epic death. In fact no one actually dies on screen from the good guys. That I didn't like at all, characters, especially fan favorites should be given a glorious end but that's only something that really bothers me in retrospect. Finally the epilogue, to be fair to this movie, it handled it as well as it could given the source material. There is no a single person I have talked to who liked or could even stand the epilogue from the book, and the only reason people groan in the movie version is because they can't help but remember the book version. It is a little too sweet but would have been acceptable had people not been able to dissociate themselves from the original.

4/5 - Go see it in theatres Harry Potter fans, it needs to be experienced first hand.

Hero's who use lethal force - anti-heros in comics

Whilst making a comment about Batman's and other hero's refusal to use lethal force it got me thinking about those who do. Granted they are usually called 'anti-heros', which I like to define as people who work towards a heroic end with unheroic means. This is a look at them, as well as some of the other kinds of anti-hero's in comics

It is strange that I would have an issue with hero's refusing to take life as I personally am strongly against the death penalty. I believe the difference is that these are not real lives, and yes they may be real lives to the hero's who take them but I often find the refusal to take life stems almost more from a simple desire to have the most popular villains return rather than the morals of the hero. And as such it often rings false and simply annoying to the cynic in me. A hero should have a good personal reason for the decision not to take life, here I use Batman as a positive example, his parents murder at gunpoint and as such he refuses to use guns or lethal force. Superman's upbringing in Smallville taught him a strong moral core.

Does this make the hero's who will kill less honourable. Looking again at Batman, and Batman from Flashpoint we have two opposites. Bruce and then Thomas Wayne. Here we have a Batman who clearly will not kill and one who has and will again. Thomas Wayne seems even more brooding then his son, this is understand as loosing your parents at a young age can be traumatic, but it is a death that as an adult you learn probably would have happened anyway. A parent is not expected to outlive their children. Does his unhappiness stem simply from his loss or the emptiness that revenge has left him with. A general distinction between the two would be the word 'revenge' compared to 'justice'. The key difference being in the morals that motivate the actions, Thomas Wayne appears to act from a desire to punish those who killed is son and wife (granted I have only read the first of three issues) while Bruce seems more motivated to make sure no one goes through the pain that he went through. The lack of Robin in Batman Flashpoint I think is the real evidence of this. Say what you want about the boy wonder but he really was meant to represent the 'heart' of you were of Batman, the evidence of his real motivation being not revenge but justice and the benefit of society.

Thomas Wayne is a fairly typical example of an anti-hero, but he's not the best example because he is going to be compared to Batman, one of the best comic super hero's. A different good example is the hero Frankenstein from the mini series Flashpoint- Frankenstein and the Creatures of the Unknown. I've already written a lot about him in my views on the D.C. reboot, but suffice to say he is a hero who does kill. In fact he kills Hitler. Which is awesome. I would say that this is because while Frankenstein is strong, and in many respects immortal he doesn't have the power of someone like say Superman, who generally has the ability to stop criminals without using lethal force. Hero's who have less power find themselves in need of taking every opportunity to end a fight, even if it may mean the death of the villain.

Hero's who have a large popular following can get away with killing it seems, Wolverine's attitudes make him a excellent example of an anti-hero. At least in his origins, people often complain that there is too much continuity to follow to jump on to new comics. That said, it is mostly just continuity in terms of relationships and previous enemies that changes, personalities rarely do. I've only just started to read X-men comics and yet the personalities are exactly what I expected based on my knowledge of the movies, and animated series. The amount of time that Wolverine has spent with the X-men, his relationships with the female members and mentoring roles to others should have helped to turn him more into a leader rather than the 'lone wolf' personality that is so iconic to him. This is not really a complaint so much as an observation. There does not seem to be a member of the X-men team to compare Wolverine too as I do not believe there is a member who has not at one point or another used lethal force. Those more acquainted with the Marvel universe please feel free to correct me. So in this case to ascertain the value of the anti-hero compared to the hero we look to a different Marvel hero, Captain America. Captain America is a hero very similar to Superman in many respects, it is his more limited power that I think makes him more accessible to people.

Is Wolverine more popular than Captain America, at least in the main stream non-comic crowd, as possibly even in the comic readers themselves, because of his attitude. He is just more enjoyable to read, he treats people in authority the way we want to respond to the authority figures in our life.

A different kind of anti-hero, at least in the style of comic would be V from V for VendettaWeaving's voice.

Where does the line stand between hero, anti-hero and villain. Well our final two examples are easily considered in the villain line and yet have some thing special about them. First off we have Selina Kyle, Catwoman. Catwoman is considered a 'harmless' villain, I in no way intend to minimise her abilities as an ass-kicker, I mean that her crimes tend not to hurt people. She only really steals from the wealthy because they are the only people to have the jewelery and gems she is interested in and doesn't kill. She will even help the hero's stop worse villains as long as it doesn't inconvenience herself too much. This kind of villain allows for an interesting relationship with the hero, especially in the case of gender opposites such as Batman and Catwoman. This is probably one of my favorite kinds of anti-hero, while most breeds of anti-hero are brooding hero's these ones are fun and enjoyable  cheeky characters who play off more serious hero's.

The final example is one who has funny crossed the line into villain, and in my humble opinion is a villain with one of the best back stories and motivations. Magneto will kill, he has in the past and will kill again. Unlike some villains such as the Joker who kill for pleasure or saw Dr. Doom who does for power Magneto believes in his cause. He believes that humans and mutants cannot coexist and that Mutants are the next form of evolution. Magneto doesn't believe this without cause, he has seen mankind at their worst over and over again. What is especially interesting about this villain is that he has actually been a hero in the past. There was a run of X-men that had Charles Xavier killed and Magneto decided to follow his friends lead, and despite his own personal views he lives to a higher standard of morals and from what I've heard from my friends this was a fantastic run. Magneto was really good as a hero, and ignoring the horrible way in which that was ended it is because of his real motivations, and capacity for good that I consider Magneto in the realms of the anti-hero as well as the villain.

This all ended up becoming more of a tangent then the planned study of the idea of anti-hero's it was meant to be. So I'll now try to compose the thoughts into the main points.
1. Anti-hero's do things that are morally wrong. Frankly wolverine only really just makes it into the anti-hero, hero's with attitude problems really should be their own sub set of hero.
2. They generally need a tragic past to explain their actions, it for this reason that Batman is often called a anti-hero, but I don't frankly think his occasional bad cop action of scaring people, he never kills and his actions are only really bad when compared to boy scouts such as Superman and Captain America.
The most important question I asked is an anti-hero less heroic then a hero. First as a hero. If we take the idea that hero's of comics are real then who would we want to be protecting us. The boy scout perfect hero's who will take the time to save a cat from a tree whilst protecting the world from Darkseid. As a role model however, as a fictional character for us to follow, the anti-hero is easier for us to identify with and can make for a stronger read. They are easier for us to identify with and their problems and also more with their decisions, after all even though I am against the death penalty if I had come up against the Joker that many times I can't say that I wouldn't have gently knocked him off a tall ledge by now.

As such I am unwilling to throw away the more archetypal hero's such as Superman, or Captain Marvel.   It can be argued that it is harder to write a compelling story about them as their powers do raise them far above humanity, as do their moral cores. Both anti-hero's and hero's have their important place in fiction. They work against each other as contrasts. And I don't believe that one is better than the other.

Tarot - issues 11-15

BOOK 11

Just over 12 hours left... may God have mercy on my soul.

So this issue finishes up Tarot's vision quest, featuring a brief flirtation with the devil. Where the devil slips an imp into her pants... I am not making this up. This all seems rather at odds with what this whole book has been preaching. Women's sexuality is a good thing (They may say it in the most warped way possible but that is what they want to say), so why is the evil thing tempting her sexuality and by giving into she'll fail? Doesn't that seem kinda, well, stupid? They can't even get their message right for a 20 page issue. wow. Tarot dies (briefly) Raven morns and apologies (then tries to kill John, yeah real sorry she is), at which point Tarot comes back in shiny white armor that we will never see again. Raven makes out with Tarot (again, I wish I was kidding but I'm not) and then John does and then he is flown out of his pants and back to Salem by Raven. To her credit she doesn't kill him but still its just her being a dick.

High points: TENTACLES!! It's actually a pretty sad thing that I'm gonna count this as the 'high point' of the issue, especially since its one the bloody cover but the sheer ridiculousness of about seven different thorny rose vines reaching into her underwear is just like the utter shamelessness of Tarot we've come to know and... well... know at the very least.

Low points: Raven. I know I seem to be ragging on her a lot and this issues does to a bit seem to have her seeing the consequences of her actions but will continue throughout the series to show blatant disregard for the three-folds rule which has now almost killed her mother and her sister because of her. Seriously what a dick.

Fav Quote: Let the world drink from you milk of imagination (whilst someone paints nipples on her armor, and I gotta say that's where all my creative ideas come from too... just forget I said that)

BOOK 12

To FILLER AND BEYOND!!!!

This issue features none of the main characters. And I gotta say it's one of my fav's, pretty much just for that reason. This issues focuses entirely around Boo cat and Licorice Dust, speaking a bit about each of their origins. Starting with Boo cat who strips to transform and remembers the first time, (she transformed on Halloween the first time so her fur looks like a Jack-o-lanterns face) she then runs off to find a gift for her girlfriend and we see a pair of eyes watching her... hmm... at a rough guess I'm gonna say this ends up in a rape attempt, you know, something different for this series. Then we see Licorice who is visited by three other vampire cheerleaders. We find out that they goths at school, were rejected for the cheerleaders cause they were goth, met a vampire, transformed, killed the vampire and then went and killed the cheerleaders who made fun of them with rats.
Then back to Boo cat who is buying some oils for Dust and is attacked by a werewolf who, say it with me, wants to rape her! They fight and then she says on of the most forced empowering speech's for women ever. I would really like this speech about how it is a women's right to sleep with whoever she chooses and say no to whoever she chooses. If it wasn't for the fact that they feel the need to say it 3 fucking times. Twice in the fight and once when she wins. NO. Just once when she wins is all you need people. It would have been three times stronger to have her do that!!! Anyway, she goes back to meet Licorice and it turns out that her cheerleader friends are gifts for Boo cat and a five some begins. Thankfully here is where it ends.

High point: I gotta give some credit to Licorice here, when the vamp shows up they agree to be transformed and then he does the whole, now you are slaves for blah blah blah. At which point they seduce him while Licorice impales him from behind with a sharpened hockey stick. There are a lot of things I like about that.

Low point: Is every male in this either completely fucking useless or a rapists, seriously the world of magic seems to be filled with more perverts then central park and night. Needless to say I didn't enjoy the attempted rape. And I just realised how stupid that sounds.

Fav Quote: Your fruit is tender, your nectar warm. You are ripe for my picking. (I hope he pays attention when doctors say he also needs two fruit and five vegetables a day)

BOOK 13

The obligatory Chuckie episode. When you get right down to it there is never a magic story set in the real world that wont at one point or another use the haunted doll idea. Hell even Sailor moon did it, and whats more did it better then this.

Anyway, to skim the plot, a young doll maker is possessed by a haunter weegie bored and makes creepy dolls, John goes to her to have one of Tarot made, the girl dies, is brought back to life as a doll, by her... dolls. And then goes to kill Tarot so that she can have her body parts. Fight ensues and doll thing escapes with the promise to return. As far as I've read she hasn't yet sooo, this episode is kinda pointless.

High Points: ... A giant demonic teddy bear kicking the crap outta John, yeah, I like that part :)

Low Points: Tarot is fucking useless, seriously, she gets tied up by her stuffed animals. Yeah, this is our empowering female role model, she then gets her arse kicked by the doll lady herself. SHE IS A TERRIBLE FIGHTER!!!

Fav Quote: Well, since you showed me your pussy it's only polite of me to show you mine... (they're talking about her doll cat, what the hell did you think I was talking about)

BOOK 14

No... no! I think you've got this wrong. Empowering women, does not mean the sexual exploitation and quiet literally drug rape of men. That's not how it works.

So in case you didn't guess this issue has a lot of focus of Tarot's boyfriend John. The worlds most useless superhero and the comic relief figure for the series. He's like Merry and Pippen, if Merry and Pippen spent their time getting sexually assaulted by every female elf they came across. And have fun trying to get that out of your head.

This issue has the spring time celebration of Belentine. Where the main event seems to be John chasing Tarot through the forest to sleep with her. But because of some pesky pixies John wonders into the spirit world is kidnapped by some troll women for their queen, paint him green and drug him (that is the only way to look at it). He then in a drug haze he goes through the world having sex with various female characters with Tarot following just after woods. Now considering most of these characters are attractive some might say hey most men wouldn't mind but he literally does not know what is happening. When he cums he thinks its fireworks... I'M NOT KIDDING! Anyway Tarot saves him and takes him back to the party, still naked, he has no memory of it and they end kissing... how... romantic?

High points: Oh my god where can I begin on how little there is to enjoy in this issue. I kinda like that because of the celebrations Raven stops being a dick and even gives John a kiss... but I mean that's really scraping the bottom the barrel there.

Low points: RAPING MEN IS NOT FEMALE EMPOWERMENT!!

Fav Quote: And speaking of pickles, why is it pointing north? So far North! (From Tarot's mum, yeah you heard that right)

BOOK 15

More Filler.

This issue focuses on Crypt Chick, her still being upset at you know, being dead. She was having a great life preforming as a rock star in crosses. Just crosses, yeah that's pretty much all she wares. Anyway, threes this bit with a dinosaur, yes really. And then John makes a band of ghosts for the Crypt Chick to sing for.

High points: This episode was pretty unoffensive, you had Crypt Chick doing her usual thing and John doing something nice for a friend. Granted when on stage she does things with a microphone cord that probably shouldn't be done on stage unless your at a different kind of club.

Low points: This was pretty much just filler, no real point to it, the action wasn't that exciting. I liked that it was not offensive but at least to offensive issues are kinda more interesting.

Fav Quote: You never said they were dinosaur bones.

War of the Green Lanterns

This mini-series was really my jumping onto point for the Green Lantern series, I'd heard a couple of basics before like Hal Jordan was a fighter pilot. The rings use the energy of will power. Sinestro is a villain, as if the name couldn't tip you off to that. And that there was a CGI movie based on the idea.

This turned out to be a pretty good book to jump in on, the characters back stories were explained briefly, with more in depth comic references that people who read the series would not doubt be able to pick up on. The four human green lanterns are introduce, Hal Jordon, Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner and John Stewart. As well as the idea of the guardians, a race of people who created the Green Lanterns to protect the universe from chaos, which they believe to come from uncontrolled emotions. Lanterns who have given into other emotions become other colours.

Yellow: Fear

Indigo: Compassion

Sapphire: Love

Blue: Hope

Orange: Avarice

Green: Will

Black: Death (Main villains in Blackest Night)

Krona a former guardian, a recurring villain, who does not believe in the lack of emotion by the other guardians captures the entities of the emotions. Creatures of pure energy of their respective emotion, Parallax, the creature of fear has already been a villain and touched the four human lanterns in the past. The focus of the adventure is battling Krona and the Green Lantern Corps who has been infected by Parallax.

This miniseries left me with only a slight feeling of disconnect, as far as jumping on mini series events this was a decent place for me to start. I enjoyed the characters of Hal Jordan and Kyle Rayner, as well as a couple of the villains. That said certain things did annoy me, particularly the ending. When people show no development and continuously makes the same mistakes you wonder why anyone listens to them. This is what the guardians felt like to me. After only one mini-series I was already annoyed with them and the ending which is kind of a tease for the reboot in September. I do not know how long this change will last but we shall see.

6.5/10

Kingdom Come

Kingdom Come is a four part mini series for DC, it is good. However being the next elseworlds book for me to read straight off the heals of Red Son it was always going to have a steep mountain to climb. I feel as though the idea's are looked at in a rushed way and it would have been better as maybe a eight or even ten part miniseries.

This comic takes place 20 years in the future in the DC Universe, the hero's of old have retired from the world whilst a new bread of hero's emerge who care about showing their power and battling then protecting the innocent. A lot of the story is told from the point of view of a priest named Norman, who after the death of his friend who received visions can now see the future and the upcoming Armageddon. After giving a depression sermon about his lack of hope he is visited by the Spectre, part of the magically balance of the universe takes him alone to witness the upcoming Armageddon.

We find that Superman became disheartened with the public who embraced the 'hero' Magog who killed the Joker and was found not guilty. After his departure the other hero's of the Justice League also stepped down, which is where I first start to take issue with this book. This is a superman focused story and I understand that, I just find it frustrating that so many other hero's would be disheartened just by him leaving. I can't see WonderWoman willing to quit that easily. It should be noted that Batman is still active, having turned Gotham into something similar to a police state.

Magog in his carelessness while apprehending a villain causes the Midwest to be devastated by a nuclear explosion. From this the old superhero's return and force the new hero's to either submit or risk imprisonment. Again this rises similar issues of freedom that are explored in Red Son, granted this did do it before it but I think it was also weaker. When the hero's return the fear of the government that their power is too great, and Lex Luthor steps in to help create a war and protect mankind from the threat that mankind posses. There are a few intertwining stories, each with enough substance to them to be the focus of their own series, including Batman gathering his own league to stand against Superman's league, Captain Marvel facing off against Superman, WonderWoman being removed from her role as ambassador from Themyscira and her royal title as well. Again we find looking at too much in too short amount of time, things feel as though they are getting glanced over.

The ending is with the superhero's reads a little too much like the epilogue of Harry Potter to me, in order to compensate for the massive loss they make the 'happy ending' a bit too much. That said the ending of the observer of all of this, Father Norman is where the real heart of the story lies and his inclusion made the entire thing far stronger.

This is a good, strong story, and while there is sometimes too much going on for the reader to give full attention to the action it is still well worth a read, just don't read it straight off the heels of reading Red Son.

7.5/10

Superman Red Son

The elseworlds title is used for stories that for one reason or another cannot work in the continuity of the DC Universe. One spectacular such story features the story of Superman, if his rocket crashed in the Soviet Union rather than the heartland of the United States. Setting Superman up with a moral system that is eerily twisted from his normal views leaves a strange and unsettling taste in my mouth. In the best possible way. This is everything an elseworld title should be, it takes what we know about Superman and finds a new and insightful way of looking at it. As well as one of the best and most maddening endings which I wont spoil for you here.

With the strength of the man of steel behind him the Soviet Union wins the cold war, the survival of the United States is left solely to the arch enemy of Superman, Lex Luthor. Who they really do write well as his intelligence and ego as well as maddening obsession with Superman are all well intertwined into the proper running of the story. The largest focus of the three-part story is on the idea of where the line of safety and freedom should be drawn, how much of Superman's power should be used to keep us safe? There is an impressive 1984 vibe to this story, one of my favorite literary works of all time. The leader of the resistance against this government is none other than Batman. Those who are interested in who would win in a fight can finally have it answered... somewhat, I do not want to spoil it for you but suffice to say there is interference by an outside force.

A friend of mine described the ending of this mini-series as a massive troll, and I can see why that comes across. This series would have stood up on it's own merits with a more traditional ending so it shows the impact it has when I say that the ending is one of the most memorable things about it. You will be tearing your hair out over it and in my opinion it's just brilliant.

Not only worth a read well worth multiple reads.

8.5/10

Tarot - issues 6-10

It was at this point when I really was down to the wire... I really wasn't sure I would be able to write all the reviews in time. I won't spoil if I did just yet. But my writing style becomes more frantic and I really started to loose my patience with this terrible terrible comic. As porn it would have been written badly enough but trying as hard as it does to pass itself off as a feminist epic just drives me mad!

BOOK 6

For the love of FILLER!!! This issue introduces 2 new characters who I'm afraid to say will be recurring. Boo Cat and Licorice Dust. Proving that there is not a fetish that this book doesn't cater too! Boo Cat is a were cat, as in a women (who later on we will find out owns a lingerie store, the only fitting career choice of any character) who at the full moon turns in a fully fur covered women (arguably naked) with a tail. And Licorice Dust, a vampire cheerleader (no, really) who walk around with spiders over her nipples and an underbust corset. Not only do I think that this comic caters for every fetish I think it actual creates a few on its own. They are of course, lovers. Boo Cat is even an ex lover of Tarot. To sum up the plot, Dust is staked but doesn't die cause it missed her heart, monsters show up, people fight, bit of back story which is really unexciting, John is useless. Yep, that's about it.

Highlights: The spiders leaping off Dusts nipples (not they are shown because Boo cat conveniently puts her fingers over them) and attacking John. That's it really. If you are in any way a furry or a Neko fan this is the issue for you Because Boo Cat certainly knows how to position herself in the most suggestive ways possible and I'm sad to say that as the issues continue she doesn't get any more subtle in fact I'm pretty sure she gets worse.

Low points: The worlds dumbest Vampire, and considering the existence of Twilight, and its many rip offs and even some of the more respectable vampires in literature/ pop culture like Angel (Although I loved the tv series dude was a fucking moron) or even Dracula himself that is saying something.

Fav Quote: Let me show you the true meaning of Ghoul power! (because nothing says empowerment like a misquoted Spice Girls saying)

BOOK 7

And now back to the story! This issue introduces a new character, Willoary, whose main function seems to be jail bait and to show case the danger of approaching witchcraft without a proper respect for it. Which considering Ravens actions seems a bit redundant. Willoary is going to be hanged (after first being molested in true Tarot style) because people in modern day Salem hang those claiming to be witches. I know this takes place after Raven's done her whole attack on the town thing so they have reason to attack her but really?? A. Being a witch is Salem seems to be a shocking idea, when everybody who claims to have even the slightest interest in witchcraft will flock there in reality, if ever there was a city were you were likely to find acceptance for being a witch it would be Salem. Its like being a vampire in New Orleans. Your more likely to find fans and groupies then enemies.

High points: This issue marks the return of the Crypt chick who is planning to use Willoary to resurrect her body. Other then that there is nothing really to say, you get some vague mention of Raven Hex planning a new spell that is taking all her energy, and while we can't tell what she's planning we all know its going to fail because... well... because she's a villain and they always loose. Willoary doesn't respect the goddess and we can all see that she's going to end up having the spell backfire because of her impatience.

Low Points: Raven getting a bath and possibly being felt up by her helpful little crows... because when I think pleasure I think of disease filled birds. We also get a whole bit about Tarot and Johns love for each other, including a page showing all their past lives together, including faeries, merpeople, vikings, ancient Egyptians and fucking unicorns. UNICORNS!!!!!

Fav quote: Centuries fit into hours as there cups over flowed with excitement.

BOOK 8

Willoary died?! Who didn't see that coming a fucking mile away?!
Tarot and Mummy plead with Raven to help stop this new evil she has unleashed, she says no she's got an island to rise. Cause that's her magic plan, make an island, truly it is a dark craft she follows. Willoary quits and tries to bring Crypt Chick back to life, but because she left the goddess out of the spell the skin melts away and Willoary is turned into a tree while a bird looks at her nipple. Yep even as a tree nipples are the focus. What a purvey bird.
Raven is attacked by some warlocks who have decided to take it upon themselves to right the wrong by killing her... she is saved by Goblins and then turns them into crows. The island is raised and then Tarot, Mummy and John are attacked by... the headless horseman!!! Because.... I don't know but really its the least offensive thing here so we'll just ignore it.

High points: Wow, I'm kinda shocked by how hard it is to find high points. The look of the skin falling of Crypt Chicks body is indeed done pretty well. There is a surprisingly high level of skill in the art of this comic... if only he had gotten someone else to do the story, the dialogue and the characters.

Low points: The incredible evil is a god dam pumpkin head of sleepy hallow?!

Fav quote: Please me and I will allow you to feast on the crumbs of my magic!

BOOK 9

Tarot's greatest fear is the fucking headless horseman?! She got so emotionally scared by her sister telling her a ghost story that when the great evil took form it chose to be THE STAYPUFF MARSHMALLOW MAN!!!!!! No... God wouldn't that be fantastic though! She fights the headless horseman, this is clearly a great enemy as it is the first to start the trend of ripping her bra... oh sorry, battle armour, off. While this is all going on John is fighting this spider lady who tries to mount him or something I don't know... apparently he's scared of spiders. A guy who works in an abandoned graveyard is mortally afraid of spiders, obviously. Meanwhile Mummy seems to meet the only real fear out of them, as she is faced the burning bodies of her daughters who was executed for being raised witches. While I've already made my view on the apparent prejudice of modern Salem against witches *cough* *cough* *bullshit*, this at least seems to be a real fear, that's a pretty crippling thing to be confronted by. Anyway Tarot overcomes her fear, battles the headless horseman, who reveals he is there because of Ravens spells, takes on the punishment of her sister herself and defeats the monster but is mortally stabbed in the process. It should be noted that the most fucking random council of witches or something helping her, the stress causing one guy to literally have his head explode and a little dragon inside... yeah, a little dragon, we don't know why, did it kill him? Where did it come from? Do all witches have little dragons in their head? In the words of the Nostalgia Chick "BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT"!
The last few pages are basically traveling to Raven's island to heal Tarot. But Raven is not done being a bitch and spends her time not healing her sister but blaming John for her injury when of course it was her fault for being a pretentious bitch. The issue ends with the all too easy see through promise of Tarot dying.

High points: Tarot getting stabbed. Yeah that's about it. Oh and the burn marks on Mummy that really look like someone got into a schoolies (Spring Break for Australia) supply of glow in the dark paint and covered herself in hand prints.

Low Points: FUCKING RAVEN HEX!!!! My God, it is rare for a character to annoy me as much as this stupid bitch. Yeah Tarot is bland and pretty one dimensional but at least she's not a fucking moron. It really seems like Jim Balent is going to the greatest lengths to ensure that Raven never learns a lesson, never sees the consequences of her actions and remains as a villain. They had a perfect opportunity to kill of the mother and have her suffer some real consequences, like they do here, Tarot is dying because you wanted your daddy back... show some fucking character development!!! But we all know that isn't going to happen.

Fav Quote: FOR THE CRAFT AND TAROT!!!!!

BOOK 10

wohoo ten down! That's right a whole 1 fifth of the way there... 40 more to go... kill me now.

Believe it or not this is the episode that takes a left turn at crazy into God dam LSD territory. The whole thing is some spiritual quest thing of Tarot to rejoin the world of the living while Raven, seemingly desperate to prove she is a villain and not just a bitch, does the complete opposet by ignoring her mothers orders and trying to throw John off her island. The dragon witches (you remember them don't you?) have now joined force with her and try to force him away... including whipping him with their tails while in human form... yes really.

High points: I'm trying I really am trying! Ummm... well... I don't know if I should call John hanging from the nipple of a giant statue a high or low point. It certainly was an interesting sight although followed by one of the most predictable and terrible lines of 'That's why I'm a breast man'.

Low points: Raven is a dick, not a cretable villain, just a dick. This episode seems to, attempt, to go through the reasons for Tarot's armour as she gains a piece on each meeting in her vision quest. But really this is so convoluted I still don't get it and I've read it like 3 times now. Tarot also almost ends up masturbating in front of what I think is meant to be the god and goddess. Because you know, impending death is such a turn on (seriously every time she is at deaths door she starts getting frisky)

Fav Quote: Is that anyway to greet your emperor and high priestess, lying on one's back with your legs a spread, luring the world to your banquet! (Well she is all you can eat)