It was at this point when I really was down to the wire... I really wasn't sure I would be able to write all the reviews in time. I won't spoil if I did just yet. But my writing style becomes more frantic and I really started to loose my patience with this terrible terrible comic. As porn it would have been written badly enough but trying as hard as it does to pass itself off as a feminist epic just drives me mad!
BOOK 6
Highlights: The spiders leaping off Dusts nipples (not they are shown because Boo cat conveniently puts her fingers over them) and attacking John. That's it really. If you are in any way a furry or a Neko fan this is the issue for you Because Boo Cat certainly knows how to position herself in the most suggestive ways possible and I'm sad to say that as the issues continue she doesn't get any more subtle in fact I'm pretty sure she gets worse.
Low points: The worlds dumbest Vampire, and considering the existence of Twilight, and its many rip offs and even some of the more respectable vampires in literature/ pop culture like Angel (Although I loved the tv series dude was a fucking moron) or even Dracula himself that is saying something.
Fav Quote: Let me show you the true meaning of Ghoul power! (because nothing says empowerment like a misquoted Spice Girls saying)
BOOK 7
And now back to the story! This issue introduces a new character, Willoary, whose main function seems to be jail bait and to show case the danger of approaching witchcraft without a proper respect for it. Which considering Ravens actions seems a bit redundant. Willoary is going to be hanged (after first being molested in true Tarot style) because people in modern day Salem hang those claiming to be witches. I know this takes place after Raven's done her whole attack on the town thing so they have reason to attack her but really?? A. Being a witch is Salem seems to be a shocking idea, when everybody who claims to have even the slightest interest in witchcraft will flock there in reality, if ever there was a city were you were likely to find acceptance for being a witch it would be Salem. Its like being a vampire in New Orleans. Your more likely to find fans and groupies then enemies.
High points: This issue marks the return of the Crypt chick who is planning to use Willoary to resurrect her body. Other then that there is nothing really to say, you get some vague mention of Raven Hex planning a new spell that is taking all her energy, and while we can't tell what she's planning we all know its going to fail because... well... because she's a villain and they always loose. Willoary doesn't respect the goddess and we can all see that she's going to end up having the spell backfire because of her impatience.
Low Points: Raven getting a bath and possibly being felt up by her helpful little crows... because when I think pleasure I think of disease filled birds. We also get a whole bit about Tarot and Johns love for each other, including a page showing all their past lives together, including faeries, merpeople, vikings, ancient Egyptians and fucking unicorns. UNICORNS!!!!!
Fav quote: Centuries fit into hours as there cups over flowed with excitement.
High points: This issue marks the return of the Crypt chick who is planning to use Willoary to resurrect her body. Other then that there is nothing really to say, you get some vague mention of Raven Hex planning a new spell that is taking all her energy, and while we can't tell what she's planning we all know its going to fail because... well... because she's a villain and they always loose. Willoary doesn't respect the goddess and we can all see that she's going to end up having the spell backfire because of her impatience.
Low Points: Raven getting a bath and possibly being felt up by her helpful little crows... because when I think pleasure I think of disease filled birds. We also get a whole bit about Tarot and Johns love for each other, including a page showing all their past lives together, including faeries, merpeople, vikings, ancient Egyptians and fucking unicorns. UNICORNS!!!!!
Fav quote: Centuries fit into hours as there cups over flowed with excitement.
BOOK 8
Willoary died?! Who didn't see that coming a fucking mile away?!
Tarot and Mummy plead with Raven to help stop this new evil she has unleashed, she says no she's got an island to rise. Cause that's her magic plan, make an island, truly it is a dark craft she follows. Willoary quits and tries to bring Crypt Chick back to life, but because she left the goddess out of the spell the skin melts away and Willoary is turned into a tree while a bird looks at her nipple. Yep even as a tree nipples are the focus. What a purvey bird.
Raven is attacked by some warlocks who have decided to take it upon themselves to right the wrong by killing her... she is saved by Goblins and then turns them into crows. The island is raised and then Tarot, Mummy and John are attacked by... the headless horseman!!! Because.... I don't know but really its the least offensive thing here so we'll just ignore it.
High points: Wow, I'm kinda shocked by how hard it is to find high points. The look of the skin falling of Crypt Chicks body is indeed done pretty well. There is a surprisingly high level of skill in the art of this comic... if only he had gotten someone else to do the story, the dialogue and the characters.
Low points: The incredible evil is a god dam pumpkin head of sleepy hallow?!
Fav quote: Please me and I will allow you to feast on the crumbs of my magic!
Tarot and Mummy plead with Raven to help stop this new evil she has unleashed, she says no she's got an island to rise. Cause that's her magic plan, make an island, truly it is a dark craft she follows. Willoary quits and tries to bring Crypt Chick back to life, but because she left the goddess out of the spell the skin melts away and Willoary is turned into a tree while a bird looks at her nipple. Yep even as a tree nipples are the focus. What a purvey bird.
Raven is attacked by some warlocks who have decided to take it upon themselves to right the wrong by killing her... she is saved by Goblins and then turns them into crows. The island is raised and then Tarot, Mummy and John are attacked by... the headless horseman!!! Because.... I don't know but really its the least offensive thing here so we'll just ignore it.
High points: Wow, I'm kinda shocked by how hard it is to find high points. The look of the skin falling of Crypt Chicks body is indeed done pretty well. There is a surprisingly high level of skill in the art of this comic... if only he had gotten someone else to do the story, the dialogue and the characters.
Low points: The incredible evil is a god dam pumpkin head of sleepy hallow?!
Fav quote: Please me and I will allow you to feast on the crumbs of my magic!
BOOK 9
Tarot's greatest fear is the fucking headless horseman?! She got so emotionally scared by her sister telling her a ghost story that when the great evil took form it chose to be THE STAYPUFF MARSHMALLOW MAN!!!!!! No... God wouldn't that be fantastic though! She fights the headless horseman, this is clearly a great enemy as it is the first to start the trend of ripping her bra... oh sorry, battle armour, off. While this is all going on John is fighting this spider lady who tries to mount him or something I don't know... apparently he's scared of spiders. A guy who works in an abandoned graveyard is mortally afraid of spiders, obviously. Meanwhile Mummy seems to meet the only real fear out of them, as she is faced the burning bodies of her daughters who was executed for being raised witches. While I've already made my view on the apparent prejudice of modern Salem against witches *cough* *cough* *bullshit*, this at least seems to be a real fear, that's a pretty crippling thing to be confronted by. Anyway Tarot overcomes her fear, battles the headless horseman, who reveals he is there because of Ravens spells, takes on the punishment of her sister herself and defeats the monster but is mortally stabbed in the process. It should be noted that the most fucking random council of witches or something helping her, the stress causing one guy to literally have his head explode and a little dragon inside... yeah, a little dragon, we don't know why, did it kill him? Where did it come from? Do all witches have little dragons in their head? In the words of the Nostalgia Chick "BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT"!
The last few pages are basically traveling to Raven's island to heal Tarot. But Raven is not done being a bitch and spends her time not healing her sister but blaming John for her injury when of course it was her fault for being a pretentious bitch. The issue ends with the all too easy see through promise of Tarot dying.
High points: Tarot getting stabbed. Yeah that's about it. Oh and the burn marks on Mummy that really look like someone got into a schoolies (Spring Break for Australia) supply of glow in the dark paint and covered herself in hand prints.
Low Points: FUCKING RAVEN HEX!!!! My God, it is rare for a character to annoy me as much as this stupid bitch. Yeah Tarot is bland and pretty one dimensional but at least she's not a fucking moron. It really seems like Jim Balent is going to the greatest lengths to ensure that Raven never learns a lesson, never sees the consequences of her actions and remains as a villain. They had a perfect opportunity to kill of the mother and have her suffer some real consequences, like they do here, Tarot is dying because you wanted your daddy back... show some fucking character development!!! But we all know that isn't going to happen.
Fav Quote: FOR THE CRAFT AND TAROT!!!!!
The last few pages are basically traveling to Raven's island to heal Tarot. But Raven is not done being a bitch and spends her time not healing her sister but blaming John for her injury when of course it was her fault for being a pretentious bitch. The issue ends with the all too easy see through promise of Tarot dying.
High points: Tarot getting stabbed. Yeah that's about it. Oh and the burn marks on Mummy that really look like someone got into a schoolies (Spring Break for Australia) supply of glow in the dark paint and covered herself in hand prints.
Low Points: FUCKING RAVEN HEX!!!! My God, it is rare for a character to annoy me as much as this stupid bitch. Yeah Tarot is bland and pretty one dimensional but at least she's not a fucking moron. It really seems like Jim Balent is going to the greatest lengths to ensure that Raven never learns a lesson, never sees the consequences of her actions and remains as a villain. They had a perfect opportunity to kill of the mother and have her suffer some real consequences, like they do here, Tarot is dying because you wanted your daddy back... show some fucking character development!!! But we all know that isn't going to happen.
Fav Quote: FOR THE CRAFT AND TAROT!!!!!
BOOK 10
wohoo ten down! That's right a whole 1 fifth of the way there... 40 more to go... kill me now.
Believe it or not this is the episode that takes a left turn at crazy into God dam LSD territory. The whole thing is some spiritual quest thing of Tarot to rejoin the world of the living while Raven, seemingly desperate to prove she is a villain and not just a bitch, does the complete opposet by ignoring her mothers orders and trying to throw John off her island. The dragon witches (you remember them don't you?) have now joined force with her and try to force him away... including whipping him with their tails while in human form... yes really.
High points: I'm trying I really am trying! Ummm... well... I don't know if I should call John hanging from the nipple of a giant statue a high or low point. It certainly was an interesting sight although followed by one of the most predictable and terrible lines of 'That's why I'm a breast man'.
Low points: Raven is a dick, not a cretable villain, just a dick. This episode seems to, attempt, to go through the reasons for Tarot's armour as she gains a piece on each meeting in her vision quest. But really this is so convoluted I still don't get it and I've read it like 3 times now. Tarot also almost ends up masturbating in front of what I think is meant to be the god and goddess. Because you know, impending death is such a turn on (seriously every time she is at deaths door she starts getting frisky)
Fav Quote: Is that anyway to greet your emperor and high priestess, lying on one's back with your legs a spread, luring the world to your banquet! (Well she is all you can eat)
Believe it or not this is the episode that takes a left turn at crazy into God dam LSD territory. The whole thing is some spiritual quest thing of Tarot to rejoin the world of the living while Raven, seemingly desperate to prove she is a villain and not just a bitch, does the complete opposet by ignoring her mothers orders and trying to throw John off her island. The dragon witches (you remember them don't you?) have now joined force with her and try to force him away... including whipping him with their tails while in human form... yes really.
High points: I'm trying I really am trying! Ummm... well... I don't know if I should call John hanging from the nipple of a giant statue a high or low point. It certainly was an interesting sight although followed by one of the most predictable and terrible lines of 'That's why I'm a breast man'.
Low points: Raven is a dick, not a cretable villain, just a dick. This episode seems to, attempt, to go through the reasons for Tarot's armour as she gains a piece on each meeting in her vision quest. But really this is so convoluted I still don't get it and I've read it like 3 times now. Tarot also almost ends up masturbating in front of what I think is meant to be the god and goddess. Because you know, impending death is such a turn on (seriously every time she is at deaths door she starts getting frisky)
Fav Quote: Is that anyway to greet your emperor and high priestess, lying on one's back with your legs a spread, luring the world to your banquet! (Well she is all you can eat)
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